Hot Best Seller

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

Availability: Ready to download

Finally--You "Can"Understand Her! Women: Complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can't seem to figure her out? That was before "For Men Only." Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey Finally--You "Can"Understand Her! Women: Complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can't seem to figure her out? That was before "For Men Only." Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey of women, this book demonstrates that women are actually not random and that they really can be systematized and "mapped." In fact, much to men's delight, this book shows that women are actually quite easy to understand and please--as long as you know what it is they need. This simple map will guide you to loving your wife or girlfriend in the way she needs to be loved. The bestselling author of "For Women Only"teams with her husband to offer men the key to unlocking the mysterious ways of women. Through Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn 's national scientific survey and hundreds of interviews, "For Men Only" reveals what you can do today to improve your relationship. And believe it or not, as Jeff assures men, "It's not splitting the atom." And for every guy who rarely reads a manual: Quick-Start Guide Included! "When we featured Shaunti's book "For Women Only" on "FamilyLife Today," ""the phone rang off the hook! When Shaunti and Jeff come back on our broadcast, I'm buying some more phones. This is fresh and relevant--good stuff for every marriage. Read it!" "-Dennis Rainey, President, FamilyLife " Story Behind the Book "As I was writing "For Women Only "to help women understand the inner lives of men, over and over I heard that men wished there was a way to understand their wives, but they felt it was probably impossible. I heard from them, 'You are writing this little slim volume about men, but if it was about understanding women, it would have to be the size of an encyclopedia! Women are random and complicated!' These men were surprised and encouraged when I assured them that women are neither random nor complicated, and we can be understood. Men just want to love their wives well, and "For Men Only "will help them do that." "--Shaunti Feldhahn"


Compare

Finally--You "Can"Understand Her! Women: Complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can't seem to figure her out? That was before "For Men Only." Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey Finally--You "Can"Understand Her! Women: Complicated and impossible to understand? Do you love and want to please the woman in your life, but just can't seem to figure her out? That was before "For Men Only." Now at your fingertips is the tool that will unlock the secret to her mysterious ways. Through hundreds of interviews and the results of a scientific national survey of women, this book demonstrates that women are actually not random and that they really can be systematized and "mapped." In fact, much to men's delight, this book shows that women are actually quite easy to understand and please--as long as you know what it is they need. This simple map will guide you to loving your wife or girlfriend in the way she needs to be loved. The bestselling author of "For Women Only"teams with her husband to offer men the key to unlocking the mysterious ways of women. Through Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn 's national scientific survey and hundreds of interviews, "For Men Only" reveals what you can do today to improve your relationship. And believe it or not, as Jeff assures men, "It's not splitting the atom." And for every guy who rarely reads a manual: Quick-Start Guide Included! "When we featured Shaunti's book "For Women Only" on "FamilyLife Today," ""the phone rang off the hook! When Shaunti and Jeff come back on our broadcast, I'm buying some more phones. This is fresh and relevant--good stuff for every marriage. Read it!" "-Dennis Rainey, President, FamilyLife " Story Behind the Book "As I was writing "For Women Only "to help women understand the inner lives of men, over and over I heard that men wished there was a way to understand their wives, but they felt it was probably impossible. I heard from them, 'You are writing this little slim volume about men, but if it was about understanding women, it would have to be the size of an encyclopedia! Women are random and complicated!' These men were surprised and encouraged when I assured them that women are neither random nor complicated, and we can be understood. Men just want to love their wives well, and "For Men Only "will help them do that." "--Shaunti Feldhahn"

59 review for For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

  1. 4 out of 5

    ♥ Ibrahim ♥

    Most of my intimate friends have always been women. Most of my confidantes have always been from the female gender. I love their friendship. I know them. But this book has often made me feel that women are a bunch of simple-minded, confused, all too emotional creatures. Well, not "my women"! Don't get me wrong. The book has some good points to make and they are good for men to keep in mind, but still women are not as shallow as he makes them to be in that book, and neither are they a bunch of cr Most of my intimate friends have always been women. Most of my confidantes have always been from the female gender. I love their friendship. I know them. But this book has often made me feel that women are a bunch of simple-minded, confused, all too emotional creatures. Well, not "my women"! Don't get me wrong. The book has some good points to make and they are good for men to keep in mind, but still women are not as shallow as he makes them to be in that book, and neither are they a bunch of creatures who don't know what they want. My best advisors have always been women. When I can be emotionally unstable, it is women who are more solid than I can ever be!

  2. 5 out of 5

    Seth

    This book is helpful to understanding women. There are two clear ideas that I earned from this book that I haven't gained elsewhere. 1. Women's preoccupations can't just be laid to rest by arguing out their merit. They are like programs open on a computer. You can minimize them but they can't just go away until the anxiety is directly resolved. The little "x" can be closed only when resolved. 2. Women have just as strong a need to be "pursued romantically" as men have being "sexually desired". I s This book is helpful to understanding women. There are two clear ideas that I earned from this book that I haven't gained elsewhere. 1. Women's preoccupations can't just be laid to rest by arguing out their merit. They are like programs open on a computer. You can minimize them but they can't just go away until the anxiety is directly resolved. The little "x" can be closed only when resolved. 2. Women have just as strong a need to be "pursued romantically" as men have being "sexually desired". I started looking for ways to make my wife remain in a constant state of romance and it has made a huge difference on her quality of life. That is why I am giving it so many stars. The quality of the writing and the insight of the author's were not close to impressive. They were kind of goofy and simplistic. Its a short book and doesn't address any particular deficiency. It is a very brief overview of what women need from men to feel love. The ideas that I gained were sufficient to recommend the book. Don't look for brilliant marriage guidance here, however, you might find a few ideas that could improve your marriage.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Brandon

    It's Ok (ish). Has a few interesting insights, and the statistics seem useful. You have to get over the writing though, it feels like it's written to the lowest common denominator among men. As if their working assumption is men are not capable of reading beyond the 3rd grade level. Meanwhile, the author keeps trying to convince us of his new found authority on the subject via his immersion into the world of women, and, well, it gets old. His authority is the research/statistics, which get don't It's Ok (ish). Has a few interesting insights, and the statistics seem useful. You have to get over the writing though, it feels like it's written to the lowest common denominator among men. As if their working assumption is men are not capable of reading beyond the 3rd grade level. Meanwhile, the author keeps trying to convince us of his new found authority on the subject via his immersion into the world of women, and, well, it gets old. His authority is the research/statistics, which get don't as much attention or analysis as I would have liked. The book has a really annoying feature of "highlighting" sentences pulled from the text but putting them in a large font. The problem is, the text will read something like (see p142): "That's an easy chip shot if I ever saw one." Then immediatly below, in a larger font with a geometric bullet "That's an easy chip shot if I ever saw one." Why? Reading through it is painful. Every couple of pages this strange quoting mechanism is used. I found it really annoying. I walked away with a few discussion points I'll bring up with my wife, but overall was somewhat insulted by it's presentation and disappointed by its lack of depth.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Robin DeJarnett

    If you read my review on Ms. Feldhahn's other book, 'For Women Only,' I think you won't be surprised that the same criticism applies here. This book states up front that the authors' intent is to grossly generalize their findings, and they do. I was hoping for more than just a flip of what was in 'For Women Only' but there wasn't really any new information here - in fact it seemed to lack the depth of the first book. The first book highlighted more specifics, like how men enjoyed it when their wom If you read my review on Ms. Feldhahn's other book, 'For Women Only,' I think you won't be surprised that the same criticism applies here. This book states up front that the authors' intent is to grossly generalize their findings, and they do. I was hoping for more than just a flip of what was in 'For Women Only' but there wasn't really any new information here - in fact it seemed to lack the depth of the first book. The first book highlighted more specifics, like how men enjoyed it when their women 'played with them' - enjoyed the same diversions, like golf or even just watching sports together. I didn't see the opposite in FMO - what is it that women enjoy for their man to do with them? There seemed (to me) to be an inordinate amount of time spent on a women's appearance (in each of the chapters), which I found shallow. Obviously, as a woman, I understand how important appearance is, but there's so much more to me than that. Men may be visual, but wasn't the point of this book to show them what they CAN'T see? Both books also imply that any infidelity in a marriage will always involve the man and his lustful, wandering eye. Whether women are visual or not (and I know for a fact many are), they have their own escapes, be it through soap operas, romance novels or some other source. Neither book addresses the feminine side of lust or a man's reaction/interpretation of it. There are tidbits to be gleaned, both for men and women, but as before, I recommend that couples look at this book together, and consider the lens used to write it.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Debbie

    I'm a woman, and I read "For Women Only" first. In fact, I read that book several times, started to apply it, told my boyfriend about it, and then asked him if he'd like to read "For Men Only." He happily agreed. I first read the book (constantly thinking, "You mean, men don't know that!?!") while I also marked how I would have answered the survey questions. My boyfriend has now read this book several times and has started to apply it. He says he loves how I treat him (using information from "Fo I'm a woman, and I read "For Women Only" first. In fact, I read that book several times, started to apply it, told my boyfriend about it, and then asked him if he'd like to read "For Men Only." He happily agreed. I first read the book (constantly thinking, "You mean, men don't know that!?!") while I also marked how I would have answered the survey questions. My boyfriend has now read this book several times and has started to apply it. He says he loves how I treat him (using information from "For Women Only") and I'm in bliss right now from his efforts to apply what he learned in "For Men Only." I've read other books on similar subjects, but none really get to the heart of the issues like these two little books. Update: Men (and women!), please don't think you're an expert on your mate just because you read this book several times. It's a great book, but listen if someone tells you that a part doesn't strongly apply to them! Believe me, most women would love this, but I'm getting sick and tired of being told I'm so beautiful and rock my boyfriend's world. That was never an issue for me and hearing this two or three times every time we interact is making the words lose all meaning to me, but my boyfriend initially wouldn't stop because "it's in the book!"

  6. 5 out of 5

    Chip Rodgers

    It's not that this book was bad per se. Almost everything in the book was already pretty obvious to me anyway, with the exception of a maybe two or three interesting insights and ways to articulate particular female concerns. It seems to me that the type of person who would go out of their way to read this book are the ones that don't need it, and the ones that DO need it are the ones that either wouldn't read it, or wouldn't actually practice the advice given, even if they DID read it. Complain It's not that this book was bad per se. Almost everything in the book was already pretty obvious to me anyway, with the exception of a maybe two or three interesting insights and ways to articulate particular female concerns. It seems to me that the type of person who would go out of their way to read this book are the ones that don't need it, and the ones that DO need it are the ones that either wouldn't read it, or wouldn't actually practice the advice given, even if they DID read it. Complaint number two: The author apparently thinks women are incredibly weak and shallow. Especially based on the chapter titled, "Beauty." My biggest praise for the book is that it made me like and love my wife A LOT more, realizing that she's nothing like the incredibly insecure females that the author describes in this book.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Brent

    Superb. Read this for a marriage prep course at my fiancee's church, while she read (or listened to the audio version of...) "For Women Only". Practical, wise, heartfelt... grounded in science and data (which I love) and Scripture (which I love even more), this book is a game-changer. I've been doing the best I can, and I want to do better... I just didn't know how. A priceless gift. I love my fiancée and I want to be the best possible husband to her I can be...

  8. 5 out of 5

    Steve Bremner

    I still don't understand them.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Fuad Alsultan

    This is going to be a complete review of the book on a chapter by chapter basis. This book helped a lot to understand my woman. I have never though about women this way before, i guess I should have considered reading such book before. Though, I would not think other books would put it the same way this one did. I am just glad I had the chance to read it. Chapter 1. Interesting! I got hooked. Chapter 2. If you get together, the deal is never close. Insecurity follows women even after settling dow This is going to be a complete review of the book on a chapter by chapter basis. This book helped a lot to understand my woman. I have never though about women this way before, i guess I should have considered reading such book before. Though, I would not think other books would put it the same way this one did. I am just glad I had the chance to read it. Chapter 1. Interesting! I got hooked. Chapter 2. If you get together, the deal is never close. Insecurity follows women even after settling down. Unlike men who want to show their love by their actions, women need reassuring every time they have a conflict. As a man I need to increase her emotional bank account by continue doing the small stuff that made me win her heart at the beginning. When she is upset, I should not leave her to think alone, I should hug her and assure her all is going to be okay. Chapter 3. I can see it. Its too hard for a woman to just let go of hear fears and worries, because they are attached to her emotions. Worries will go away when the bad feelings are gone, as men we need to help our women by resolving these emotional issues not by telling them "just don't worry or forget about it". Telling my women such thing, will either make the problem stick or circulate. Listen to your woman's concerns, give her all your ears, hug her, suggest an action for her worries, or take one. Chapter 4. When you see or feel something is wrong between you and your women, ask her what's wrong? Don't accept " I am fine" as an answer, but be persistent and assume she is upset b/c of something you did or you did not do. Speak to her, tell her that you might did something wrong and ask her to help you to understand her. If the issue is not your actions, assume its an emotional issues, give her your ears and listen carefully. The third reason she could be upset about is her circumstances, take your time to understand her. Lastly, it could be just hormones, be there for her. An important note to remember is that women don't speak about their issues from the first time b/c we "men" trained them not to. We usually get angry or defensive when they answer our question the first time we ask. Chapter 5. Financial security is not more important than emotional one. Most women prefer low income job and more time with their husbands more than high income and low parent and husband time. She wants to feel 1) You are close to her; do small silly stuff like the stuff you used to do before marrying her, ex. Sending text message in the middle of the day and buying her flowers or surprise her with what she loves. 2) She wants to feel that she is a priority, spend more time with her, let her feel she is before everything. 3) She wants to see more commitment to her, ex. help her around the house. 4) She wants to see you making effort to provide financial stability for the family. Chapter 6. The power of effective listening. Your women speaks about an emotional difficulty, she just wants to share her feelings with her partner. She is not sharing to look for solutions. When she speaks, drop the 'I must fix it' attitude and and listen carefully to her feelings through her words, facial expressions, and body gestures. Try to understand her, repeat those feeling to her to assure her that you gave her your attention. Sharing her feelings with you, and you understanding those feelings is more important to her than the problem itself. Chapter 7. This chapter is on the sexual relationship between you and her, and how her "NO" to sex does not mean it is because of you. Understand that she could be tired from all day long, and her sexual drive is less than you. She may not want to have sex with you, but she will enjoy it as much as you when she is in the action. Her sexual desire rise not as sharply as yours, so take your time with her. Your appearance and look does not make her hot, she needs to feel the closeness between you two beyond the bedroom. Be close to her at all time. Try to start talking about sex early before jumping into it, to prepare her emotionally, like whisper to her that you want to have sweets when you get home while having dinner at the restaurant. Tell her you are excited and cannot wait. Chapter 8. The little girl still lives inside her. She needs constant complements on how beautiful and stunning she is. As in chapter 2, she needs to hear from you that she is beautiful, never assume she knows and does not need to hear it. Tell her how magnificent she looks, be specific when complementing her. If she asks about how beautiful she looks, don't answer just fine. Notice her dress when she spends time in front of the mirror, tell her what you like about her style. Chapter 9. (The conclusion) I should always remember that I am her HERO.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Kristina | A Christian Reads

    I read For Women Only so I decided to read this as well. My issues with both books are the same. I think far too much time and emphasis was spent on physical appearance and sex. This book very much felt derogatory toward women at points. I definitely won't be recommending my husband read this, as majority of the book was not applicable to my views or feelings on the issues mentioned.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Chelsea Rivas

    There is some decent advice in this book, but you'll have to mine for it through the insultingly chummy delivery, Old Sport. As part of his "good ol' boys" delivery, more than once co-author Jeff Feldhahn used dehumanizing language when referring to both men and women, which was off-putting and unnecessary. My husband is a human being, not a "cromagnon". I am a human being, not an "alien". Furthermore, throughout the book Feldhahn insists that each husband needs to reassure his wife that she is There is some decent advice in this book, but you'll have to mine for it through the insultingly chummy delivery, Old Sport. As part of his "good ol' boys" delivery, more than once co-author Jeff Feldhahn used dehumanizing language when referring to both men and women, which was off-putting and unnecessary. My husband is a human being, not a "cromagnon". I am a human being, not an "alien". Furthermore, throughout the book Feldhahn insists that each husband needs to reassure his wife that she is beautiful. I disagree. It is MUCH more important that each husband reassure his wife that she is loved and valued for her brain and her heart...not what her face looks like or what size jeans she wears. Of course it is lovely to be complimented, but it is so much more important to be valued for who I am, not what I look like. My main concern with this book, however, is Feldhahn's discomfort in discussing women's bodies. He is clearly uncomfortable using words such as "menstrual cycle", "menstruation", or even "cycle" or "period." He instead refers to it as "her circumstances" and "er...um...her situation" (in the audiobook version he literally says, "er...um...her situation" with the intonation that you're "in" on his private little joke). He writes that sometimes one of his male friends asks his wife, "Am I talking to my sweet wife Lori, or Helga the crazed mutant?" 'Helga the crazed mutant'? Seriously? I don't think Lori truly finds this funny (as he claims in the book). I think it's more likely that Lori does a courtesy laugh to avoid having a difficult conversation with her husband because either 1) She knows she doesn't appreciate what he said but isn't sure herself WHY it doesn't sit well with her, or 2) She knows he won't understand why she can't just "take a joke". It does a tremendous disservice to men and women for this stereotype of "crazed mutant" to be perpetuated. Yes, a woman's menstrual cycle can cause hormonal changes that translate to behavior changes. But she does not transform into a 'crazed mutant'. She is still the 'sweet wife' she has always been. If my husband was experiencing a hormonal imbalance (or a recurring cycle of hormonal imbalances), I would never refer to him as a 'crazed mutant'. It's insulting and dehumanizing, and is therefore devoid of empathy...the exact opposite of what he could and should reasonably expect from a loving spouse. For someone in a position of authority, whose goal is for men to follow his advice and/or example, it's tragic that Feldhahn--claiming 'delicacy'--squandered the opportunity to set a better example in this regard. With just a few differences in wording, he could've shown men that it is right and proper to use correct terminology instead of euphemisms. He could've challenged men to be respectful and continue to grant humanity where it is due. He could've helped men understand that the uterine functions are not to be feared, tip-toed around, or insulted under the guise of joking. Later in the book he does the same thing when addressing orgasm. Again, for someone who claims to be an authority, he missed a tremendous opportunity to educate, demystify, and call upon men to grant their wives even the most basic dignity. "For Women Only" was written under the assumption that its audience is intelligent and thoughtful women. "For Men Only" was written under the assumption that its audience is 'dudes' and 'bros', not intelligent or thoughtful men.

  12. 4 out of 5

    J. Alfred

    About halfway through this book (roughly half an hour into reading this book) I started thinking that it was a very well intentioned, pretty well reseached and weirdly poorly written text-- and I stand by that to some extent. ("Weirdly poorly written": it was clearly within the authors' power to write more impressively/ smoothly, but they decided that it was better to take a totally unsophisticated stance-- there was the textual equivalent of a lot of winking and elbow-nudging going on in here, About halfway through this book (roughly half an hour into reading this book) I started thinking that it was a very well intentioned, pretty well reseached and weirdly poorly written text-- and I stand by that to some extent. ("Weirdly poorly written": it was clearly within the authors' power to write more impressively/ smoothly, but they decided that it was better to take a totally unsophisticated stance-- there was the textual equivalent of a lot of winking and elbow-nudging going on in here, and it comes off as too 'familiar' in the old sense, or 'chummy' in the new.) However, the end of the book was well done, and brave, as well ("we simply need a zero-tolerance policy on porn"). Some parts, too, did in fact help me understand the beautiful mystery that is my wife a little bit better. So it accomplished its purpose, and for that I am grateful (though I think it may have been better served to be edited and reissued as a twenty-page pamphlet).

  13. 4 out of 5

    Katie

    Meh. Only got halfway through before I gave up. Really focuses on the stereotypical woman and how she thinks. Again, couldn't relate whatsoever.

  14. 5 out of 5

    JZ

    The redeeming fact in this book is that women's minds are like computers with a lot of windows open. We have to be. We have the kids. Jeez. The analogy about the lighter is the perfect example. Men don't see consequences. Great generalization? Not the only one in the book. Taken from questionaires that were simplistic, from the examples given. The rest of the generalizations are not news. This must be good for people who have little to no experience with working, living, and talking together wit The redeeming fact in this book is that women's minds are like computers with a lot of windows open. We have to be. We have the kids. Jeez. The analogy about the lighter is the perfect example. Men don't see consequences. Great generalization? Not the only one in the book. Taken from questionaires that were simplistic, from the examples given. The rest of the generalizations are not news. This must be good for people who have little to no experience with working, living, and talking together with the opposite sex. Might be a good text for high schoolers if they removed the religious stuff.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Konrad Holden

    There is one major flaw with this book. Over the majority of the book, men are presented as the goofy sitcom husband who doesn’t understand how women work. He is the unsophisticated and simple-minded dork who sits reading the newspaper and spilling coffee on himself, making marital blunder after marital blunder (some of which is very true). He’s a nice guy, but a simpleton. If only he knew the better way. I don’t think the author meant to come off that way. But I think this book does not emphasiz There is one major flaw with this book. Over the majority of the book, men are presented as the goofy sitcom husband who doesn’t understand how women work. He is the unsophisticated and simple-minded dork who sits reading the newspaper and spilling coffee on himself, making marital blunder after marital blunder (some of which is very true). He’s a nice guy, but a simpleton. If only he knew the better way. I don’t think the author meant to come off that way. But I think this book does not emphasize enough the fact that many men may know what they ought to do, but are unwilling to do it or think about how to do it. Maybe it is just me, but men need tail-kicking. And of the little tail-kicking in this book, it is all indirect tail-kicking. That being said, I constantly found myself constantly pausing and thinking, “Huh, so that’s why that happened last week. And that’s where I went wrong.” There are lots of epiphanies to be had. The conclusion chapter is wonderful. Made me think about my wife in the best sort of way.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Christel

    I received some teasing from male friends when they found out I was reading this book, but I make no apologies! This was a great read for anyone--male or female--in a relationship. I first read its counterpart, "For Women Only," which was also incredibly insightful. The fact that these books offer a view into the differences between men and women from a biblical Christian worldview makes them tender, truthful, and encouraging. Here's what I shared with one friend while reading "For Men Only": As I received some teasing from male friends when they found out I was reading this book, but I make no apologies! This was a great read for anyone--male or female--in a relationship. I first read its counterpart, "For Women Only," which was also incredibly insightful. The fact that these books offer a view into the differences between men and women from a biblical Christian worldview makes them tender, truthful, and encouraging. Here's what I shared with one friend while reading "For Men Only": As I'm reading, since it's written from a male perspective to men, I'm gaining insight even though the book is about women. I'm seeing these things that seem perfectly normal and obvious to me being explained in excruciating detail as if they are mysteries to men...and that's because they generally are! It's eye-opening for me to read this and think, "That isn't obvious to men? That's something they need to be told?" I think it's helping me to understand just how different men and women are.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Michael Foley

    Hopefully this book does not "Blow Your Mind", because if it does, you probably didn't know jack squat about women whatsoever. HOWEVER, this book did open my eyes to a few gems of wisdom and give me a big boost of motivation to be a better husband. His analogy of our minds like a computer desktop was especially profound to me. Stating that men tend to handle tasks/feelings one window at a time, and close the window before moving on to the next thing. Women have several windows open at once, all Hopefully this book does not "Blow Your Mind", because if it does, you probably didn't know jack squat about women whatsoever. HOWEVER, this book did open my eyes to a few gems of wisdom and give me a big boost of motivation to be a better husband. His analogy of our minds like a computer desktop was especially profound to me. Stating that men tend to handle tasks/feelings one window at a time, and close the window before moving on to the next thing. Women have several windows open at once, all getting slivers of attention simultaneously(yikes!). I had heard dozens of analogies before, and I knew the concept. But sometimes the right analogy comes along and it sticks. Great quote: "How a woman feels about the problem, IS the problem." simple and wise. And the opposite of how I think. It is well worth reading, and worth reading every 2 years or so for a shot in the arm.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Skylar Burris

    I read this just to make sure my husband was getting reliable information when he read it...with very few exceptions, I definitely think he did get good information. I think any young Christian couple who gets married should be given a copy of these For Men Only / For Women Only books in premarital counseling and should re-read them every 2-3 years. (The book is from a Christian perspective, but the Christian element is not over-the-top; it would be useful for many non-Christian readers too.) Th I read this just to make sure my husband was getting reliable information when he read it...with very few exceptions, I definitely think he did get good information. I think any young Christian couple who gets married should be given a copy of these For Men Only / For Women Only books in premarital counseling and should re-read them every 2-3 years. (The book is from a Christian perspective, but the Christian element is not over-the-top; it would be useful for many non-Christian readers too.) The books are very short, direct, easy-to-follow, and quick to read. It is a bit dumbed down in writing style, but the practical worth compensates for that.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Brenda

    I chose this as a "book targeted at the other gender" for Tim Challies' 2017 reading challenge. I listened to a Christianaudio version that was available on Hoopla. The book was read by Jeff Feldhahn, who co-authored. (I always enjoy audio books that are read by the author.) It is a short book - under 3.5 hours' listening time. I think the points made by the author are pretty much spot on for explaining how most women think and why we react as we do, and I found myself nodding in agreement many t I chose this as a "book targeted at the other gender" for Tim Challies' 2017 reading challenge. I listened to a Christianaudio version that was available on Hoopla. The book was read by Jeff Feldhahn, who co-authored. (I always enjoy audio books that are read by the author.) It is a short book - under 3.5 hours' listening time. I think the points made by the author are pretty much spot on for explaining how most women think and why we react as we do, and I found myself nodding in agreement many times. Men who have done other reading about relationships may think "duh", but I would say this is a great place to start for men who haven't done other reading or whose fathers weren't good role models. The authors say up front that this book isn't for marriages that are in crisis, and I would agree with that.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Jonathan

    Wonderfully written for us plain average men who just want to love and serve our wives in a better way while not always knowing how to do that exactly. Some stuff was straightforward and some stuff was completely mind-blowing, and I recommend this for men who are struggling to communicate or understand their woman. Together with prayer and bible study, this book is a great resource and tool to help relationships and marriage flourish and thrive as God meant it to initially.

  21. 5 out of 5

    BookishandBliss April

    I read this, not just to see what my husband would be reading, but we decided to trade these books and make notes in them for the other about what was important directly to us. We highlighted, wrote, and enjoyed both of our copies. Now it is my turn to read For Women Only but definitely enjoyed this one!

  22. 4 out of 5

    Brandon Vaughan

    With the companion book,”For Women Only”, this is a great marriage building tool. My wife and I did it together and loved it.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Megan Lane

    For real, we should all be reading these as single young people and considering them as we all hope to be married eventually. Scripture teaches us to put the needs of others before our own and these books are helpful in doing just that. Giving the tools to understand what that even means, when men and women are so different. Lol

  24. 5 out of 5

    Kayleen Mackey

    Good book, but I feel that as the book is meant for the men, I had a harder time under everything. but the men I know who read it love it.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Joel Fletcher

    Required reading for any male human being.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Ryan Starr

    Good book that has given me insights to how women think. Has made me realize that my words and actions have such a bigger impact than I ever realized in the life of the women I’m closest with

  27. 5 out of 5

    Anna

    NOTE: Long review. Small summary in the end. ____________________________________ The book's first paragraph states: "Like some guys I know, you might be tempted to skip this introduction and jump right to the sex chapter. And if you’re chuckling right now, it probably means you already did." Which I found funny because that's exactly what I did. An important observation is made in the introduction: "There are exceptions to every rule. Recognize that when I say “most women” appear to think a certain NOTE: Long review. Small summary in the end. ____________________________________ The book's first paragraph states: "Like some guys I know, you might be tempted to skip this introduction and jump right to the sex chapter. And if you’re chuckling right now, it probably means you already did." Which I found funny because that's exactly what I did. An important observation is made in the introduction: "There are exceptions to every rule. Recognize that when I say “most women” appear to think a certain way, most does not mean all. We make generalizations out of necessity to be helpful in the widest number of circumstances. Inevitably there will be exceptions. Statistically, in fact, it is likely that some male readers will think in a way similar to their wives in one area or another. Everyone is an individual." Indeed, when making generalizations, it's unlikely that all of them will be true for every person. With that said, I don't think that most women/people would sympathize with more than 1–2 of the chapters/points mentioned in the book. Because of that, I feel that the book would do more harm than good to almost any man reading it who doesn't know many women, and would be more likely to make them think that women are fundamentally different from men (they aren't) than help them “understand” women (as if one could ever understand ~50% of the world's population in one go, just like that). The way I see it, this book mostly perpetuates stereotypes. I've collected a few quotes which I feel are particularly misleading or harmful and wrote my thoughts on them. --- * Chapter 2 "Even if your relationship is great, your mate likely has a fundamental insecurity about your love—and when that insecurity is triggered, she may respond in ways that confuse or upset you until she feels reassured." If one of the partners in a relationship feels insecure, they ought to say so. Insecurity is a serious matter, but it's not a gendered issue. Anyone can feel it. --- * Chapter 3, the “female brain” "I described what many women had told me: that their thought lives were like busy computers with multiple windows open and running all at once, unwanted pop-ups intruding all the time, and little ability to close out or ignore any of that mental or emotional activity until a more convenient time." I don't doubt that some women think like that, but if I had to guess, I'd say that the “many women” who told the author so were cherry picked and represent just a fraction of the female population. Some men think like that too, and many women don't. Instead, this section presents that as a fact and a fundamental difference between the sexes, which it simply isn't. --- * Chapter 4. Seemingly nreasonable behavior. "• You think the restaurant is fine. Out of nowhere, she says you just don’t care anymore. • You thought you had a great evening together. Out of nowhere—or so it seems to you—she puts on flannel pajamas and turns in for the night." These are a couple of examples supposed to showcase situations where men think they women don't make sense or act irrationally. What they all have in common is the lack of communication. It's not about being female, it's about expecting their partner to read their mind. Some women do that, and some men do it too. The author proceeds: "Although we see the “Is anything wrong?” question as a thoughtful—and sufficient—way of finding out if there’s a problem, many women don’t see it that way." Right before that, the author tells a short story where a wife got mad at her husband and refused to tell him why, saying “I'm fine” even though she clearly wasn't. Obviously, the husband found that unreasonable because he wasn't aware of doing anything wrong and got mad as well. Turns out, the wife wanted to surprise him about something but he happened to find out about it before she had the chance to. So she got bummed out, which is understandable. She should have just told her husband the reason though. The author makes it seem like it's a man's responsibility to find out what bothers his wife by pestering her about it, when in fact she should just say what bothers hers. There's no biological difference that renders women unable to do that. "All too often, we think, there’s no rhyme or reason behind her reactions. Or if there is a reason, we’re sure we’ll never be able to understand it. Clearly, the only sensible thing is to throw up our hands and try to ignore the problem. We leave her alone until she calms down, hoping it will get better on its own." Don't men ever find other men hard to understand? Sure they do. Yet they don't go proclaiming that “men are hard to understand” or “don't make sense.” If a person can't understand another person of the same sex, the cause is understood to be that they are different people with different ways of expressing themselves. Yet, if the two people are of different sexes, then the issue is blamed on innate differences between the sexes! I truly wonder why that is and why we can't just all see each other as people instead of stereotypes. --- The Sex chapter opens like this: "This chapter will be the ultimate test of your manhood." And that's probably the kind of person this book is aimed at: traditional, conservative, and utterly stereotypical men who think that their worth is measured by how much money they make and how much sex they have. "We think male and female humans are the same creatures, only with different and nicely matching body parts. We assume we have the same sexual wiring. So when there seems to be a mismatch, we have no idea why." I'll tell you why: because every person is different. Some people want more sex more than others. Some don't want sex when they're sad or have stressing situations going on in their lives. It has nothing to do with innate differences between men and women. Thinking that “male and female humans are the same creatures” would be more accurate and beneficial. Instead, we insist on believing that they're not and socialize them differently, which in turn leads to actual differences in behavior, which are mostly learned. "If you’re still thinking clearly, your brain likely has ground to a halt on an apparent impossibility: I can’t imagine finding my wife attractive, being in love with her, and not wanting to have sex with her often! So how can she be that way? But remember, that’s guy thinking, and we’re trying to learn female thinking." Again, this point has nothing to do with “male” and “female thinking.” Despite being biologically “female,” I've also asked myself that same question—why wouldn't my (male) partner want to have sex with me, even though he finds me sexy and loves me? Guess what! It's NOT about me. Sometimes people are just sad or preoccupied with completely unrelated matters and are not in the mood for sex. Yes, it happens to guys too! And yes, often girls want sex and get turned down by their guys. What a mind-blowing discovery! (Please note the sarcasm.) Just because some men don't experience that, that doesn't make it “female thinking.” "Lower level of sexually assertive hormones = less craving for sex" True. Again, not much to do with gender. A woman can be as affected by “sexually assertive hormones” (basically Testosterone) as the stereotypical man the author appears to have written the book for, despite having less of them. "Your wife, though, is not like you. She is not sexually aroused simply by seeing you at your studly best. If you are looking particularly handsome or sexy, she will notice and she will find you attractive. But—get this—her body is still not lusting over your body. " I don't like how this is presented as a fact. It's often the case that my body “lusts” over my partner's just because I happened to see him naked. Clearly, that's not the case for everyone and all the time. If my partner isn't in the mood, he doesn't get turned on by seeing my naked body—no matter how sexy I am. This chapter makes men seem like brainless animals when it comes to sex, and women pure romantics who don't understand lust. To be clear, that's not the case. "Although they might be enjoying the process, they may not be ‘finishing’ it. This is a difficult subject, and many women don’t want to talk about it because they don’t want to depress their husband or make him feel inadequate." Here the author mentions the fact that some women don't orgasm when having sex with their parents (using euphemisms instead of just saying it, mind you) but doesn't proceed to offer any solutions or suggestions. For anyone wondering, just ask your partner what they want in bed that they don't currently get. It really is that simple to improve your love life. "On the survey, up to 70 percent of women said that simple helpfulness around the house would increase their interest—if only because they would have more energy" I can see how someone who is burdened with doing all the housework by themselves (despite also working full-time) would be too tired and emotionally drained—and perhaps even resentful—to be in the mood for sex. Isn't that common sense? Again, nothing to do with differences between men and women. If the man in a relationship had to do all the housework and work too, he'd probably not be in the mood for sex often either. "When in Doubt, Ask Her Just like the existence of this whole chapter, this particular to-do runs against the grain of my middle-class, midwestern, don’t-talk-about-sex reticence. While it may not be comfortable, you just need to ask your wife what she likes, what she doesn’t, and how to improve." Finally, some sound advice! This is a no brainier in any kind of relationship with any person though, regardless of gender: when in doubt, ask. --- Chapter 9 "«Daddy, watch!» she calls as she spins and the skirt does its thing. «Daddy, look at me! Do you think I’m pretty?»" In this chapter, the author presents the idea that little girls being preoccupied with looking pretty is a projection of their somehow innate need to look pretty. And not at all the reflection of society's expectation of women. His daughter didn't care about looking pretty because of her two X chromosomes, but simply because TV, magazines, and advertisements told her that she ought to care! "Why is this chapter focusing so much on a woman’s looks? Shouldn’t we as a society be getting past that? Well, here’s the thing: This isn’t really about a woman’s looks. It is about what a woman feels about herself and the fact that her man has a great ability to build her up or tear her down in that area. […] As it turns out, your wife’s continuing desire to feel beautiful—and to be beautiful for you—is a deeply rooted need that explains a lot of other behaviors that have baffled men for centuries. For example, have you ever wondered why, after trying on outfit after outfit, she gets frustrated and declares that she has nothing to wear?" No, it's not a “deeply rooted need,” for heaven's sake! It's that the majority of people and media tell little girls, directly or indirectly, that they HAVE to care about their looks so much. Humans have a need to fit in with their perceived group, so it's no wonder that girls often grow up to be self-conscious and care about their appearance more than most men. They were told that their “group” has to look pretty, while boys where told to be strong. "[When] she asks, “Do these pants make me look fat?” […] what she really means is, “Tell me I’m not fat”?" If she does, then she should learn to express herself. Don't present communication issues as gender differences. "Remember, women already feel that they are in competition with every other beautiful woman" I'm certain that some women (and men) feel that way, but definitely not women in general. Regarding porn, here's what the author has to say: "I think that when a man turns to porn, no matter how infrequently, it sends a clear message to his wife that she is inadequate. It says that no matter how she tries, she can’t satisfy him sexually. […] Unless a woman is naive about the power of porn or has become desensitized to it for other reasons, when her husband uses porn, it feels like cheating." […] We injure our wife when we look elsewhere for a thrill that we vowed to look for only in her. We break her trust. And we shatter our ability to reflect her beauty back to her." If your wife's self-image is shattered whenever you find somebody else beautiful or sexy, that's her issue (not necessarily her fault though). The fact that other people are also beautiful, doesn't make one *less* beautiful or desirable. That's just not how this works. I'm sure that most men (and women) who watch porn don't do so because they think their partner is ugly and undesirable! --- The book could do more harm than good because it mostly perpetuates stereotypes. Its target readers appear to be traditional and completely stereotypical men who are brainless animals when it comes to sex. The author claims that “male and female humans are not the same creatures” and blames communication issues on innate differences instead of bad communication skills.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Yvonne Reynders

    In reading this book I realized I do not feel the same as the majority of women do according to the studies presented in this book. Mostly in regards to sex. I'm ready to go anytime! However, I think this book can be powerful in helping men understand women in general.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Sonnigirl

    Another great read for marriages. Companion book to For Women Only. Putting these 2 books in my premarital curriculum for couples! All couples should read both of these books every 5-10 yrs! Invaluable insight into how each of the sexes think and function differently and how to treat each other accordingly!

  30. 4 out of 5

    Lisa

  31. 5 out of 5

    Khalid

    In this book, a couple talk about relationships and give advice to men on how to best deal with their partners. The book is based on the involvement of many men and women in focus groups, and the effort shows. The results are interesting.

  32. 4 out of 5

    Doug Saathoff

  33. 5 out of 5

    Shawn

  34. 5 out of 5

    Robert Apple

  35. 5 out of 5

    Mike

  36. 4 out of 5

    Becca Anne

  37. 5 out of 5

    Michael Dunkirk

  38. 5 out of 5

    Allison

  39. 5 out of 5

    Roy Pickron

  40. 5 out of 5

    Shantanu Kulkarni

  41. 5 out of 5

    Brett

  42. 5 out of 5

    BookDB

  43. 5 out of 5

    Katra

  44. 5 out of 5

    Rustic Reader

  45. 5 out of 5

    Terry Hall

  46. 4 out of 5

    Elana

  47. 4 out of 5

    Jeannette Modic

  48. 5 out of 5

    Maksym Zakharko

  49. 5 out of 5

    Wilder

    There are a couple of parts that don't apply to my experience personally, but several of the points hit home, and the rest are generalizations from surveys anyway (regardless of how pointed the survey choices are). Some good tips and explanations are included here. I didn't realize how much difference there was.

  50. 5 out of 5

    Mychal

  51. 4 out of 5

    Ted Way

    So a woman's mind is apparently like the Windows desktop, with a million windows open at once. Little wonder comments come out of left field, she has trouble sleeping, and she can be paralyzed by worries.

  52. 5 out of 5

    Kristin

    I know it's for men, but I had to get the other side of the story - totally worth it. Very interesting to hear about women from a man's perspective. Not a psychologist's perspective, but just a guy who's wife writes books. It was eye opening for me, and helped me understand myself better. It's a quick read, and definitely worth it.

  53. 4 out of 5

    Ryan

  54. 5 out of 5

    Ferg

  55. 4 out of 5

    Amy Longenecker

  56. 5 out of 5

    Brent Reed

  57. 4 out of 5

    Tom Kimball

    Wanna know what makes women tick? Really? Read this. A lot of stuff I already knew but it's nice ot have it in one neat, little, 190-page tome.

  58. 5 out of 5

    Brian Townsend

    Guys every where should read this book!

  59. 4 out of 5

    Rob

Add a review

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Loading...
We use cookies to give you the best online experience. By using our website you agree to our use of cookies in accordance with our cookie policy.